Saturday, May 23, 2009

Helpful Hints Time.

Hey kids, here's how you kill yourself:

1)  Take, like, four aspirin.
2)  Wash them down with a couple of wine coolers that you stole from your stepdad.
3)  Call the emergency room and tell them what you just did.
4)  Wait patiently for the paramedics to arrive, then, when they do, start flopping the fuck around and act like you just can't stay awake, no matter what.  Also, it helps to spread a bunch of aspirins around on the floor like in the movies, because nothing is more scary and suicidal looking than an empty bottle of pills, with almost all those pills lying innocently on the floor.
5)  Don't actually die, but repeat this process every few months so that you can make sure to have everyone's attention.
6)  Wait a few years, then tell everyone how you used to be all suicidal and shit, and show them the scar from where you "cut yourself up" with a safety pin that one time.
7)  Fuck you.

Have a Great Weekend!!!
      Super Cooper

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